Fat Rick
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Rick has gained a lot of weight over time and the gang learns not to fat-shame. Tumblr approved.


Everyone is eating dinner silently and Beth is the first one to break the tension.

"Jerry...have you noticed that my dad..."

"I try not to notice your father Beth."

Rick suddenly enters the room

"What up bitches?!"

He's dancing and he has a giant belly that hangs and jiggles up and down. Summer and Morty look absolutely disgusted as his fat ass starts to twerk. All of a sudden Rick tires out and pulls up a chair to sit in...

"Jesus (belch!) now im all sweaty and exhausted. Your grandpa Morty...your grandpa is getting old."

"It...its not that your getting old Rick. Your fat! Your ass hangs off that chair Rick comeon!"

"Geez Morty (belch uhhh) way to be subtle about it... No shit im fat. I live off chips and jellybeans Morty. I spend all day in a garage tinkering with inventions. Ofcourse im fat...dummy."

"Well geez Rick I dont know...maybe stop eating so many chips and jellybeans you know? Maybe go on a diet and workout or something."

"(Belch!) You know what Morty? You and the rest of the family can fuck right off..."

Rick opens his flask and drinks it.

"The only difference between a Fat Rick and a Thin Rick is a a Fat Rick cant hide his existential depression Morty...and that bothers you low IQ apes. It bothers you just how fragile the human body is and eat a little too much and suddenly you're spending twice as much effort to move half as well. Im tired Morty...Im tired, I got man titties, this aint fun Morty... but sorry im inconveincing you with my chub. Ill just take a magic pill and get rid of it..."

"Oh geez Rick I...I didnt mean it like that. I wasnt trying to hurt your feelings or nothing!"

"NONO MORTY dont sweat it... (belch!) pretty sure ive shotup heroin before but an American audience where 30% of the population is morbidly obese still needs a lecture or two about how being a fatass isnt the end of the world but it also doesng make you a helpless victim. Life sucks no matter what you do Morty...I just chose to bury the void in jellybeans and being lazy today over you know...(belch!) heroin..."

"Oh geez Rick..."

"But thats fine! Your grandpa is a genius and does have a magic pill he can take...now you kids make yourselves useful and help your grandpa lift his 150kilo ass off this chair."

As they help him up he makes loud beeping noises like a truck lift.

"R..Rick do you have to do that?"

"Its that or heroin Morty!"

"Oh gee wiz..."

Later in the day Morty and Summer are playing catch outside. Summer catches the baseball.

"Seeing grandpa Rick like that really spooked me Morty... have enough trouble at school. I dont want to be the fat nerd girl too you know?"

"Oh geez Summer...I think Rick is just trying to say life is terrible no mattet what you do y'know? That if uhhh people are going to hate and bully you theyll think of something be it your weight, your race, your sexual orientation..."

Some girl walks by with her dog and cringes "ew...a short male even though like 3 billion people on the planet are under 5'3."

"Im also like twelve..."

"Oh Jesus the manlet is talking to me! Lets go Skips before we catch some midget aids!!!"

"So see Summer? People will just look for reasons to be mean... because we are all dead inside and some people just arent brave enough to say so."

Rick throws a baseball at Morty's head

"Oww!"

"Whatup shorty bitches?!"

He's dancing with a baseball glove and suddenly is a lot thinner but his skin hangs a lot.

"Ewww grandpa your skin...thats even worse than when you were fat."

"Its what your vagina is gonna look like after college Summer so get used to it. Besides...(belch!) its what happens when you lose weight rapidly."

"H...how did you do it Rick?"

"Well unlike those diet pills are that are basically jusy synthetic cocaine to keep you moving and not hungry your grandpa designed a pill that essentially functions as a steroid putting my kidneys and liver into overdrive to maximize my metabolism. Which cause them to fail and I died."

"wait...you died?! How did you..."

"Yes Morty I died. (belch) you're gonna die, Summer is gonna die, even God died if you read The Bible. We're all gonna die and just like God I cameback baby!"

"That...that seems like a more intetesting story to tell us that how you lost all the weight."

"So than once I stopped being dead I realized I was still fat just not AASSSS fat. So what I than did was replace all the white fat cells in my body with greymatter. The fat your brain uses Morty...essentially I was a walking brain man. You ever had 15% of your body be a brain Morty? I saw shit Morty...shit I dont wanna remember and dont have too because now im just a normal amount of brain massed human again."

"Oh geez Rick..."

"The brain alone consumes like half the calories you need a day Morty! I also suffered immense muscular atrophy and well...died. I died again Morty."

"Geez Rick im sorry i guess? Wow..."

"Your grandpa Rick died twice in one episode just to lose weight and still has Summer's vagina for arms just so you all dont have to be uncomforta ble about me weezing Morty!"

Summer crosses her arms aggravated.

"Im not a whore guys..."

"You're a woman sweety (belch!) ofcourse you are. HAHA! I can say that now and not get attacked by white knight cucks cause Im thin Rick motherfuckers!!!"

"Y...you are kind of a thot sis not gonna lie."

Suddenly a bunch of dudes pile on Morty and beat the crap out of him.

"Oh geez Rick! AH-OW!!! Where did all these guys come from?!"

"You talked bad about (belch) a woman Morty...guys are insecure little shits competing for the attention of females. Thats why we all keep thin and make money Morty...you think we do this shit to be healthy?"

"But...oww! But i'm thin Rick!"

"Yeah well...you're also short."

"Oh geez...OW!!!"


End file.
